Relational Life Therapy, created by renowned therapist Terry Real, is a direct and effective approach to couples therapy. Using RLT, I help couples dive deep and understand how their past influences their present relationships, and develop practical techniques for better communication and connection. It's not just for couples, either—individuals can also use RLT to build closer connections.

Imagine RLT as a roadmap to better relationships. Not only does it foster healthier dynamics, but it also helps you face the part of yourself that wants to resist learning and implementing those new skills. This can transform relationships into sources of fulfillment, support, and mutual joy. Whether you're seeking therapy for just you or with a partner, RLT can offer valuable insights and strategies that can help you have stronger, more meaningful relationships.

There are three phases involved in RLT:

1. Gather Data

In this phase, we’ll get to know each other and talk about the challenges you’ve been facing. We’ll identify some goals—what miraculous success would look like to you, what you want out of your relationship, what’s getting in your way of that, and how we can work towards getting there. Together, we’ll identify the ways in which each of you has contributed to the negative patterns or dynamics in your relationship, and how you can show up differently. If attending as a couple, you’ll learn how to speak the same language as your partner, so you can understand each other better as our work progresses.

2. Delve Deep

Next, we’ll talk about how your family dynamics and childhood experiences still impact you today. At first, this might seem unrelated to the issues you’ve been having, but science tells us that what we go through as children actually changes our brains. If it were as easy as learning some skills, you could have read a book and done that—but I don’t believe we can implement these things until we understand why you interact the way you do. So, we’ll get to the roots of your struggles and work to untangle them together.

3. Learn Practical Skills

Once you’re able to separate the past from the present, we’ll begin to learn concrete techniques you can use to help you navigate your relationships in a healthier way. You’ll learn to consult the “wise adult” within you, act in the best interest of your relationship, and be able to come back together and repair things with your partner afterward—which is a necessary part of a healthy, intimate connection.

When you’re in a relationship, you’re in the same soup—and you both have to eat it. So, you get to make a choice: Do you want to put good things into this soup so you both enjoy it? Or, do you want to let anger, contempt, and resentment poison it?

RLT helps you learn to slow down when you’re communicating with your partner and ask yourself these questions before it’s too late. This requires a bit of humility and a willingness to listen to and negotiate with your partner. In the end, you’ll be glad you were able to take a step back and act in the best interest of your relationship rather than letting your emotions take the wheel.